I thought he was so cool and i could trust him *TW*

a while ago i had a friend i thought he was so cool and i could trust him cause we went through stuff together and he always acted like he was so kind and he was so caring towards girls but he wasn’t i was assaulted by his friend and after he “stopped being his friend” (they still hung out) he would do this joke where he’d grope me and say pov i’m *his friends name* no matter how many times he was told to stop and how many times i’d shut down after he did it and once i was at his house with my sister my best friend and a bunch of his other friends to watch big hero 6 and i was trying to talk to one of his friends and my friend interrupted us and asks me to kiss him and i say no so he starts to cry and cry and begs me to just hug him because he always said he got flashbacks of his mum who “never cared for him” when people denied him affection and so i hug him but as i do that he smirks which was weird and he grabs my ass mid hug which i hated when he did. it still makes me feel sick i was only 13. he always groped my boobs ass thighs and everywhere he wanted to but i couldn’t say no or else he’d cut himself i cut him off fully about 2? years ago but i didn’t want to talk about it when it first happened and now it’s been too long so i cant talk to anyone about how horrible that made me feel cause they either don’t remember or didn’t know him i was treated like a piece of meat because i told him that i kissed my friends on the cheek and to this day i can’t trust boys to be my friend except for 4 boys who either went through something similar or i knew before and it makes me feel terrible that i can’t just trust people anymore i can’t just hang out with boys 1 on 1 without thinking what if i hate it and i want him to kill himself